well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
