i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
