i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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