I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
