Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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