I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
