my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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