matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
