So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who died my cat blue again?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
