letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
