There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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