is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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