I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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