I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
