i think my mom watched the whole time
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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