if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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