I just made out with a guy for $7.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
