I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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