well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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