It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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