You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
