please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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