Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
