well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize