Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
