I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
