We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
