Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
