Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
