Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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