Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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