where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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