somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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