her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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