Say something about gay babies.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
