Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
