In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize