She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
