last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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