Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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