We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
