she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
