My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
