Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Text me some of your sweat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
