please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
