my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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