I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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