I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
