i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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