so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
