Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
