I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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