I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
