I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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