the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
