I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
