I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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