I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
