that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
