I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
