i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
