dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
