1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
