I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
