I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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