"it" just moved
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
