and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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