nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
