so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
