i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM