i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.