The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.