Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.