I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
