Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
