ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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