bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
