I looked at my own cervix.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
