Pants 0. Shit 1.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
